Thoughts on Proposition 8

In 1995, in large part for political reasons, Leslie and I got married. We called it a marriage then and now. But, what we were trying to do was push for equal rights for gay couples. We didn’t really care what word was used – domestic partner, civil union and marriage all worked for us. In California, thanks to the Democratic legislature and Gray Davis, we now have those rights. (I also credit Schwarzenegger for helping to tamp down right-wing attempts to overturn the law.)

So, the fact is that I actually felt ambivalent about Proposition 8.

On the one hand, of course I wanted it to go down in defeat to create true legal and symbolic equality between gay and straight couples. But, I also knew we were just having a fight about one word. Marriage. We weren’t fighting about rights – gay couples already have all the substantive rights of marriage in California and those were not being challenged.

Since I knew that conservatives had given up the fight in California to repeal those rights, I actually felt rather kindly to the right and preferred that we extend an olive branch. I was willing to wait a generation without the symbolism, just as long as we have the rights. But, given the Supreme Courts ruling and Proposition 8, this was no longer an option. So I, of course, voted No on 8. (I wasn’t that ambivalent!)

Their “side” wanted that symbolic victory to hold on to what they deeply feel to be right. It doesn’t mean most of them hate us. We need to start engaging in conversation with conservative people of faith not as enemies but as potential friends, not as caricatures but as caring human beings. Sure, there are many that do feel very negative, even hate, towards gay people. But, I do not believe they are a majority. In this spirit, I have asked my brother, Ken, an evangelic Christian to guest blog on this issue. He – like many conservative people of faith – are actually very ambivalent on the issue. I don’t know if he will have the time or inclination to describe his thoughts, but I hope he does. This is the sort of dialogue we need to have. (Update: He does so here.)

Obama likes to quote Martin Luther King: The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice. And, so it has been with gay rights. And, it came so much faster than I would have ever believed. In time, I believe that gays will obtain full legal and symbolic rights with the passing of the generations. We need to keep working for this. But, I strongly believe we need to stop demonizing all conservatives. As Obama always says, let’s try to disagree without being disagreeable. Let’s assume the best about our opposition whenever possible and not the worst. I believe, as Obama does, that this is the best path to unity in our country.