Thursday, August 1, 2013

Update

I haven't written on this blog for a long time!  In terms of the tonsil cancer, all is well and there is no sign of it.

I have another blog just this year—2013—dedicated to the 200th anniversary of Richard Wagner's birth.  It's here.

Maybe I will be back here in 2014.

Friday, April 8, 2011

My tonsil cancer blog

It's here.

The tonsil cancer treatment is over so if you click that link, it's historical.  While my doctors will continue to track my progress and make sure that the cancer does not return, I will just post any news here in the future.  I prefer to have only one blog, but I wanted strangers with tonsil cancer to be able to find that one in case it might help them.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Life Lessons

You know, my blog is really stale. I haven't written in it for about a year. I wanted a new leading page. So, I decided to publish something that I sent a friend a long time ago. My life lessons, How audacious! Please write your own and share them. I can't, for the life of me, get it down to 5 as per this site.

Here they are:

1. Define success for yourself and strive to achieve what you believe to be success.
2. Make a plan based on what you want and follow it (or change it as circumstances change).
3. Live for today but plan for tomorrow,
4. Fear is THE limiting factor; learn to push pass your fears if you want to succeed.
5. Choices are faced every single minute—think about your choices.
6. Don’t look back and regret—look forward and plan.
7. Don’t dwell on shame or guilt, but pay attention to what caused it, and change what needs to be changed—let go of what doesn’t.
8. The best things in life really are free.
9. Embrace contradiction; celebrate paradox.
10. Art is a must. Music, particularly.
11. Admit your errors and apologize, promptly and sincerely, when you blow it.
12. Forgive people as fast and deeply as you can, then they will forgive you quickly and deeply, too; it is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
13. Laugh a lot, particularly at yourself.
14. Widen what is acceptable; embrace differences.
15. Be grateful.
16. Play.
17. Socialize—have friends. But, don’t just hang out with people like you (age, race, sexual orientation, religion, whatever...)—seek diversity within your friendship circles as much as possible.
18. Be generous with your time, your money, your skills. Help people.
19. Avoid (your particular) stressors.
20. Spend less than you earn, and invest the rest.
21. Exercise as it really helps anxiety and stress as well as general health.
22. Avoid jealousy, envy, resentment, and revenge whenever you can.
23. Embrace compassion, forgiveness, conciliation and reconciliation whenever you can.
24. Love way, way more than dislike or hate (if you do 22 and 23, this is inevitable.)
25. A life in balance is crucial for happiness.
26. Don’t worry if you are somewhat “crazy”—we all are to one degree or another—admit it and embrace it. (If you are more than "somewhat" crazy, seek help)
27. Do what you say you are going to do.
28. Respond promptly to everyone; be on time.
29. Thank people when they are nice to you.
30. Keep assumptions light, but use your brain—categories are necessary—be ready to be proven wrong.
31. Embrace every death as an urging to celebrate life.
32. Have empathy but not so much that you are paralyzed trying to rescue others while losing yourself.
33. Be nice to people, but—come on—some sarcasm is also necessary for mental health.
34. A fall from grace can be the best thing that happens to you. When you really screw up, the chance for real growth comes. (Good luck, Tiger)
35. No risk, no reward
36. A great partner is wonderful; it is better to be alone than with a bad partner
37. If you have a partner in life, develop a combination of independence and interdependence. Absolutely, do not be jealous, controlling, and possessive—no matter what—as it is impossible to have a successful relationship with these qualities. If your partner is not worthy of trust, then leave her or him. Otherwise, you must trust.
38. What works in this society, won’t necessarily work in another—truths are often culturally created. This is an USA “blue state” list, for the record.
39. This too shall pass. Life flows and intense pain or intense pleasure are, generally, fleeting.
40. Be persistent. That is the essence of problem-solving.

In general, I would say I really have a handle on the first 40 and they all come from my life experience, and I follow them as best as I can. The last three are still far from my grasp, but I might get there:

41. Know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, know when to run. (Kenny Rogers – from the song, The Gambler.) Seriously, this is really easier said than done. However, you should strive for all these things.
42. Moderation in everything. (I don’t do this one at all, but I am convinced it would be good if I did!)
43. Stop and smell the roses.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

My love blog to West Cliff (and Angela)

When I retired a couple of years ago, I made a list of 50 things I wanted to do in retirement. Number 15 was to bike to West Cliff daily to enjoy our magnificent coastline while getting some exercise. I envisioned riding up and down the coast, stopping to watch my beloved pelicans or the surfers or the breaking waves whenever the mood struck. Lots of people walk up and down, but that just seemed like too much work. I am a bit on the lazy side, but realized I needed to do something in retirement to stay fit. The bike-on-West Cliff idea was bare minimum, I knew, but it was, at least, something.

Well, it didn’t really happen as I envisioned because I met a remarkable woman, Angela, who coaxed me to give the walk on West Cliff a whirl. Her speed is just shy of the road runner, but she glides as if this is a normal speed. She walked as I jogged alongside her. With more encouragement on Angela’s part, I continued doing it until I got to my present condition: I can almost keep up with her by walking, throwing in a skip here and there. However, she does takes pity on me and slows down a bit, though she pretends that is not the case. (And, I think she hopes I will continue to improve to her road runner speed...not likely!)

Nonetheless, now I am totally hooked. Sometimes I walk with Angela at maximum speed; sometimes I walk by myself at a rapid – but slower – speed while listening to Leslie’s iPod (inevitably Wagner); sometimes I walk with Leslie at a relatively slower pace. (She rides her bike for exercise so she enjoys a more leisurely stroll.) But, always, I have this feeling of peace and, on many days, almost perfection.

I am pretty sure that if I continue this I will be healthier, happier and, most likely, live longer. All because of Angela's coaxing! May you have someone like Angela in your life.

So, let’s take a stroll with Angela, shall we??

We meet at her daughter’s school, Gateway, after she drops her off.
(Note the Obama sticker – Angela and I met working on the Obama campaign.)

This is located right by our iconic surfer’s statue.
From this point to Natural Bridges, it is about 2 miles, so our round trip will be about 4 miles.

I ride over on my bike to meet her.

We head off past the Lighthouse, catching a view of the surfers of the day. November has been a great month – most of the days, the surf has been up; the weather has been warm; everybody has been so damn happy along West Cliff.

We run into Angela’s friends every time we walk. She seems to know everyone! Always, she has some plan she needs to confirm or a reminder to deliver to whoever it is we have randomly bumped into. “Don’t forget the hospice benefit on Thursday!” or “You'll be at the State Parks fundraiser Saturday, right?” or “See you at the Board meeting tomorrow”.

Occasionally, I will run into someone I know – for instance, that is Janet on the right. She is in Leslie’s chorus.

Sometimes, it is a Leslie-bike day and she swings by.

I love looking at the beautiful, peaceful small beaches along the way.

And, of course, the crashing surf.

With the exception of some warm weekends, the path is not too full.
Somehow bikes, dogs, baby strollers, walkers, runners and the occasional rollerblader all fit.

Here is a picture of my favorite dog/person couple who walks everyday. That is Peter and Arrow. Arrow is a great dog – just walks along minding its own business. But, if you say hi to him, he immediately jumps with joy. Peter doesn't jump, but he is very nice, too. Arrow is so lucky to have Peter and, I am quite sure, visa versa.

This dog used to love the walk on West Cliff, but now is too arthritic for the effort.
So, her mom takes her in the wagon now.


Along the way, you will see the inevitable hippie with a guitar on one of the cliffs.

This is the parking lot in which the stoner /drumming families lived for years out of their beat-up vehicles. They are painting the curb to change it to 20-minute parking, preventing the group from planting there. I don’t know where they all went...So, it worked. I feel mixed about it.

Love to see all the birds along the way. Particularly the pelicans. I can’t get enough of pelicans!

When we reach the end at Natural Bridges, there is the ceremonial touching of the sign before the return trip.

Sometimes, we start at this end. If so, this is the spot I warm up.

After our stroll, I sometimes bike back up West Cliff and down Swift so that I can stop by my old job to say hi to whomever is working that day. I don’t miss the job; do miss the people.


Here are Orin and Adrian hard at work. Kinda...

And, then, back home...

Monday, November 9, 2009

My aloha dream

I think other people’s dreams are pretty boring. If they show up in a book, I skim the passage. If someone tells me his or her dream, I usually don’t listen closely (sorry, I’m an ass!) If it is a dream sequence in a movie, I am usually annoyed.

So, let me tell you my dream last night. It started as a general anxiety dream – I was running down a road to my parent’s house, as I had no car. I had to get to the airport to fly to Hawai’i but it looked like I would be late. I barely made the plane and I realized that I hadn’t brought luggage; I hadn’t arranged a place to sleep; no one knew I was coming. As I entered the plane, the stewardess said that if I wanted a drink, I had to give her cash right then. I didn’t have any cash, though I had a credit card. She wouldn’t take it.

So, yep, I was in a full-blown anxiety dream.

But, then, I said to myself – well I have a lot of clothes at our house on Alae. I could buy a bag at the Salvation Army for next to nothing. John and Jessica, our tenants, would surely let me take the car back early. Bud would put me up. Or Dick and Carol. Or Casey and Bill. (Edit - learn about these wonderful folks here.) When I arrived in Hilo, I called Bud and he said come on over. He fed me a cocktail and said I could stay as long as I liked. I called Jessica (who I had never met) and she insisted that I come over for breakfast the next morning and said I was welcome to stay with them, too. I let all my other friends know I was in town and they all said that I simply must stay at their respective homes sometime. All my anxiety melted away.

So, turns out that anxiety is just no match for aloha.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

A few words about Dean


I went to a BBQ to celebrate the life of my buddy, Dean, today.

Dean was the kind of guy who could be dropped at any party in America – blue state or red state – and everybody would be totally comfortable with him. He just fit it. He was such a charmer –with a twinkle in his eye along with a winning grin and chuckle that promised gentle mischief. He was just so easy to be around.

But, through forces beyond his ability to control, several years ago the sparkle left his eyes; he no longer really laughed. He died much too young, in way too much pain. He lost the ability to really be what he most desperately wanted to be: a loving husband to his wife and a secure and devoted father to his two wonderful daughters. The biggest tragedy is that his descent happened before his daughters were really old enough to know the man he was underneath, and before, his pain and sorrow; the man that we were celebrating today.

All I can say to his daughters is that the Dean that I knew was a very good man bursting with true zest for life. And, he loved you two so much. I hope that the celebration today gave you a sense of how much he was loved and appreciated by everybody who knew him. He was one of a kind, very special and very, very good company.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

The Death of The Guiding Light

Keeping with my current death blog theme, I thought it would be a good idea to say farewell to the longest running broadcast (radio and TV combined) in history: The Guiding Light - dead of obsolescence at age 72.

This was the soap my grandmother watched when I was a kid, so it was the first one I ever watched. A CBS staple, it had a conservative, religious theme that appealed to her. Later on in my childhood I started watching soaps regularly, but I went for the more cutting edge ABC soaps. As a ritual for many years, I would race home from school, move my TV into my bathroom, draw a bath and spend the next 1 ½ hours transfixed watching General Hospital, One Life to Live and Dark Shadows. (Does it surprise anyone that my single favorite thing at our house is my beloved spa? Just wish I had a TV out there….) There is something just really cool about having these fictional families and towns go on forever – always available to drop in on and see what strange, tragic thing has befallen the people and place. (So, just how is Victoria Lord doing anyway? I haven't watched One Life to Live since the early 1970s – but she is still there, right?)

I never picked up the soap habit again until very recently. And, yes, dammit, I got hooked on the Guiding Light! I had read in Entertainment Weekly (EW) that they had a great lesbian storyline about two straight women, Olivia and Natalia (aka Otalia), falling in love. Now, “great lesbian storyline” is generally a non sequitur. With very, very rare exceptions, lesbians have just been royally screwed in mainstream film, TV and books for as long as those things have existed. But, given the EW recommendation, I decided to check it out. (For the record – I think the editors of EW have great taste in popular culture.)

And, indeed, they seemed like they were really doing this one right. It was a stealth storyline for many months as the two straight women were turned from enemies to friends grappling with intense feelings for each other that, for both, were unexpected and scary. The process of the women coming to terms with these feelings was done really beautifully and realistically. Of course, the plot went through many soapy twists and turns, full of angst and heartbreak, on the road to declaring and embracing their love. Olivia, played by the very talented Crystal Chappell, was particularly moving during the full arc of the storyline. Here she is in one of the most pivotal scenes on their soapy journey.

Through the miracle of Youtube, I was able to see the Otalia back-story before I started watching. Then I moved on to Olivia's back-story for the ten years she had been on the show. She was the town seductresses – outrageous, sassy, sarcastic and just a whole heap of sexy trouble. Deep down, of course, she just wanted to be loved for who she was and could never really make it happen. She always sabotaged it one way or another. And, the truth is that I feel in love with Olivia. I mean anyone who tries to commit suicide listening to Tosca has my heart!

The story of Otalia was really the story of Olivia's redemption. I was really looking forward to Olivia finally getting it right in love and getting her happy ending sealed with an epic kiss. Well, guess what? They did get their happily-ever-after, sealed - not with a kiss - but with a sweet head touch. Seriously! Here it is - the most anti-climatic denouement in the history of television.


Yep, curses, foiled again! Not one damn romantic kiss! Another lesbian story botched. GL deserves to die, if for nothing else, for blowing what would have and could have been the first truly great mainstream lesbian love story.

But, nonetheless, I had grown fond of the town of Springfield and am very happy that they reunited their most iconic couple – Josh and Reva – and that every other damn couple got to kiss a whole lot. Yep, very happy.

So, why are the soaps losing audience? Why are they becoming obsolete? I will give the last word to a man who played Buzz on the Guiding Light for 16 years, Justin Deas:
If the soaps all go off the air, some smart person is going to figure out the right way to do it and bring ’em back. But they’ll have to rethink the form and make it bolder. I mean, we in America still haven’t gotten over our sex hang-ups! The lesbians on our show can’t kiss? What’s wrong with us? There’s a greater chance that GL would have brought in a donkey for Buzz to have sex with.